Love is a tricky thing really. Now dont get me wrong, understanding what you love at a particular point is quite easy. Life will seem quite unidirectional when you know what you are going after. Then why did I accuse love of being tricky? The answer is simple. Because the things we love are never constant. We spend weeks , months or years chasing after something that is so pure , so obvious , that we think we cant possibly be on the wrong track , only to realize that we are. ( At this point i am wishing i could write better english , fml )
If I had a penny for every fool that said life is not about the destination , its about the journey , id have about 6 cents. But this knowledge , is worth a lot more than 6 cents. Especially because its dealing with this journey that I am changing. I dont know if I am growing or if im falling ever so low , but the point is Im changing. This all started when i first came to UTD. I wanted to be a Peer Advisor , but I was really low on confidence. So i decided to go for something else , and I decided to be an OTM. So far so good , I was loving the growth in me. Down this road , I found something(s) that were so intellectually challenging to me , that I started to change my destinations.I begin to reconsider what love truly meant. Everything I had done for my former love is now but garbage , and starting from scratch is fuckin frustrating. ( Pardon the language , and if u dont , fuck off .) My intention was to use my OTM paycheck to eventually save up for a motorcycle. This motorcycle slowly started drifting into the background , and eventually became a secondary goal. The new plan was brilliant. I would invest in poker , make craploads of money ( which i did ) and then buy a better one.So far so good. You know when people say “If everythings going right , something is not.” Well yeah , only I knew everything was not going right. Today , I had to close my poker account , effectively losing a sum of 1000$ that I had made from less than half of that amount. The loss of benjamins is not the problem here. I begin to reconsider what love truly meant. From all this , i conclude that love is easily quantifiable. You love ( and respect ) somethings so much more , that you sacrifice your dreams. Why? Because , in this case , that person has sacrificed so much more to just to bring you to where you are. If they hadn’t , you would not be in a situation to dream.
So kids, all I have to pass on is this. Do not hesitate to say peace out to the sunk costs , and do what you know you have to. In the end , its all about how much you have held on to on the journey , no matter what the destination is.
Amen? naw fuck that.
PS: this is also the very first note that I have ever had the balls to publish , enjoy.