Sunday, November 8, 2009

Love is a tricky thing really. Now dont get me wrong, understanding what you love at a particular point is quite easy. Life will seem quite unidirectional when you know what you are going after. Then why did I accuse love of being tricky? The answer is simple. Because the things we love are never constant. We spend weeks , months or years chasing after something that is so pure , so obvious , that we think we cant possibly be on the wrong track , only to realize that we are. ( At this point i am wishing i could write better english , fml )
If I had a penny for every fool that said life is not about the destination , its about the journey , id have about 6 cents. But this knowledge , is worth a lot more than 6 cents. Especially because its dealing with this journey that I am changing. I dont know if I am growing or if im falling ever so low , but the point is Im changing. This all started when i first came to UTD. I wanted to be a Peer Advisor , but I was really low on confidence. So i decided to go for something else , and I decided to be an OTM. So far so good , I was loving the growth in me. Down this road , I found something(s) that were so intellectually challenging to me , that I started to change my destinations.I begin to reconsider what love truly meant. Everything I had done for my former love is now but garbage , and starting from scratch is fuckin frustrating. ( Pardon the language , and if u dont , fuck off .) My intention was to use my OTM paycheck to eventually save up for a motorcycle. This motorcycle slowly started drifting into the background , and eventually became a secondary goal. The new plan was brilliant. I would invest in poker , make craploads of money ( which i did ) and then buy a better one.So far so good. You know when people say “If everythings going right , something is not.” Well yeah , only I knew everything was not going right. Today , I had to close my poker account , effectively losing a sum of 1000$ that I had made from less than half of that amount. The loss of benjamins is not the problem here. I begin to reconsider what love truly meant. From all this , i conclude that love is easily quantifiable. You love ( and respect ) somethings so much more , that you sacrifice your dreams. Why? Because , in this case , that person has sacrificed so much more to just to bring you to where you are. If they hadn’t , you would not be in a situation to dream.
So kids, all I have to pass on is this. Do not hesitate to say peace out to the sunk costs , and do what you know you have to. In the end , its all about how much you have held on to on the journey , no matter what the destination is.
Amen? naw fuck that.

PS: this is also the very first note that I have ever had the balls to publish , enjoy.

Posted on March 5, 2012

Someone just bet 10 grand on me. I mean, I wouldn’t bet 10 grand on me.

Shit’s overwhelming.

Posted on January 24, 2012 with 1 note

The quest towards a bed of my own continues. Signed up the most expensive lease I ever have today, and I have never been this strapped for finances before. It feels good to have challenges again, I feel alive.

I got to help a friend out signing the lease. Saved him 1500$. Which, in my opinion, is 1500$ in my pocket! I also am thinking of taking another part time job so that I can stay debt free through master’s. I don’t know yet though.

Things are looking great. Challenges and opportunities out the wazoo. Today’s a good day to be a Ravi.

On a side note, Anthony, your trolling is an inspiration.

Posted on January 13, 2012

Endless loop!

Posted on January 10, 2012

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand homeless again.

Posted on January 8, 2012 with 1 note

After more days than I can count on my fingers, toes, ears and nose…I am sleeping in a bed. It is strange how I have gone more than a month without really being stable. A lot has changed.

I want to change the past. I would give anything to undo some events in my bedless days. Anything.

However, knowing that it is as possible as it is insignificant, it is important to realize what one’s life really means. In a universe billions of billions of celestial bodies wide and ravi knows how old, nothing really matters. All that matters is what keeps you happy. And I am happy.

Sleeping in a bed has a strange correlation with being happy.

However, Correlation does not imply Causation.

Posted on January 7, 2012 with 1 note

Limitless

A promise to a loved one

a vow to a foe

fulfilled in all its glory

and then some more

The mind is no longer crippled

with angst or regret

fear is a distant idea

no thought is misled

A self-fulfilling prophecy

An idea once deemed insane

Endowed by humility not ignorance

Free not reigned

The questions become meaningless

The answers worthless

Dreams anchorless

and the self limitless

Posted on January 6, 2012

Flooding

Flooding is a form of behavior therapy and based on the principles of respondent conditioning. It is sometimes referred to as exposure therapy or prolonged exposure therapy. As a psychotherapeutictechnique, it is used to treat phobia and anxiety disorders including post-traumatic stress disorder. It works by exposing the patient to their painful memories,^[1] with the goal of reintegrating theirrepressed emotions with their current awareness. Flooding was invented by psychologist Thomas Stampfl in 1967.^[2] It still is used in behavior therapy today.

- Source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flooding_psychology

Just like penicillin, an amazing accidental discovery happened tonight. On my attempt to flood my fears of supposedly haunted places, I discovered where my most harmful nightmares stem from. My pursuit of happiness continues to amaze me with its rewards!

After a fun night of visiting two ‘haunted’ places, I finally managed to explore my mind a little bit more. Nightmares only happen to me when I actually chicken out and not push my limits. The mind picks voids of information and fills it up with worst-case scenarios. At least in my case.

Know what you do not know, and then a little bit more.

Posted on January 5, 2012 with 1 note